QUOTES DEPARTMENT

Updated October 20, 2007

Why would a nursery webmaster include a brief history of the Republic of Panama?

(Because I can, that's why.)

(If you are not interested in the rest of the world, there is plenty of gardening-related stuff further on down the page.)

The Strangely Long (Though Here Heavily Abbreviated)

and Somewhat Confusing

(Not to Say Bizarre)

HISTORY OF PANAMA

(OK, Let’s Say Bizarre)

There is not a rich heritage of sensational ancient civilizations in Panama of the likes

 of the Inca and the Maya. It is thought that there were people there about twelve

thousand years ago and that is presumably by default because there were people

in this part of the world then. And today, there are still many indigenous tribes in

Panama, but tribes whose names you have likely never heard: Ngobe-Buglé in the

western highlands and eastern Costa Rica, Kuna Yala, Wounaan, Emberá; seven in

all remain. Las indigenas, they are called, rather than “Indians”, which is allegedly

pejorative.

Big trouble started around 1500 with the arrival of: the Spanish, of course. Looking

for gold, as was their wont. The first mate on the first trip was a chap named Vasco

Nuñez de Balboa. Shortly after that, another Spaniard named Cristobal Colón

showed up in Bocas del Toro, which is that very tropical area on Panama’s west

Caribbean coast. We know him as Christopher Columbus. He named some things,

apparently, then left the new world for good. Too many Spaniards there, I guess.

Balboa, for whom Panama’s currency is now named, even though their currency is

actually American dollars, go figure, was getting deeply into debt in the Dominican

Republic and escaped his creditors, so the story goes, by actually stowing away on

a boat bound for Panama, in the grand tradition of all national heroes.

So, of course, he returns to the isthmus and goes to the Darien, of all places, and

starts subjugating native peoples, according to the standard operating procedure

for Europeans vacationing in the new world. Long story short, Balboa decides, in

the year 1513, to hack his way west into the jungle and, quite remarkably, actually

makes it to the Pacific ocean in less than a month, where, of course, he claimed the

western half of the planet for the Spanish king.  Because, see, he “discovered” it.

The Indigenous Ones probably didn’t think so, but… I call this remarkable because

I once saw one of those TV nature adventure specials where a modern team of

adventurers tried to cross the Darien and were utterly unable to do so. They ended

up, after many days of trekking, right back where they started. They blamed the

guide. Anyway, whatever nasty things Balboa may have done in his time, he was re-

paid for them by having his head cut off by a rival Spaniard governor named, no

kidding, “Pedrarias the Cruel”. If I were hanging around with a dude named

anything “the cruel”, I do believe I would stay alert. He (the cruel guy) founded what

later became Panama City.

The next thing everyone always mentions is that the Englishman Henry Morgan

sacks and burns Panama City in 1671. No one ever says why, though. I suppose

the Spaniards couldn’t find any more gold or something, because they granted

Colombia, Panama, Ecuador and Venezuela their independence in 1821. Panama,

however, was still part of Colombia. (I am skipping a lot of historical mayhem here.)

Now, what really happened after this was that the French tried to build a canal

across the country and failed miserably, but the Americans thought they could pull

it off. Colombia wasn’t interested in further foreign investment, however, and

demurred. Knowing that there was an independence movement in Panama, the US

said, basically, “We’ve got your back”. US warships showed up off the shores of

Panama and, since the ocean is really the only way you can get from Colombia to

Panama, the former country just gave up and Panama was a new country and the

US had a canal project underway.   This was in 1903 and so, Panama has two

independence days: one from Spain and another from Colombia. Well, three

actually, if you count 1999 when the US gave them back their canal and finally left

town. And we just had the one little invasion thingy back in 1989 where we decided

to take out the unpopular dictator Manuel Noriega and ship him to Miami on drug

charges. There are a series of amusing things about this, as he was allegedly

receiving CIA money at one time. Which was not unusual for Central American

dictators who ran drugs as a hobby. Of course, Noriega had seized power after a

general named Torrijos died in a plane crash, who was actually popular even

though he seized power from a guy named Arias, who was actually elected. It was

Torrijos who negotiated the return of the canal with Jimmy Carter. Noriega was

bivouacked in a Catholic church or some such (I am too lazy to look this up) for

sanctuary and the US forces allegedly drove him out by blasting Ted Nugent songs

from an outdoor speaker system 24 hours a day. ) That would certainly break my

will to live.).

OK, so after Noriega, Panama started having elections again. Are you ready to hear

who is the current elected president? Torrijos’ son, that’s who. But the fun doesn’t

stop there. Guess who finally gets out of jail in September of 2007. If you guessed

Manuel Noriega, you would be correct. He wants to return to Panama, but France

wants him extradited on money laundering charges. I believe he is also wanted in

Panama on murder charges. Some old girlfriend of his wants him back uncharged,

so to speak. She likes him a whole bunch despite his complexion (his nickname

was “pineapple face”) and tried to whip up a rally of support for his triumphant

return in Panama City last month. Reportedly, almost a half dozen people attended

the festivities. So that is my lightning summary of the history of Panama. I may have

left a few things out.

NOTE: At the time of this enrty, Noriega is scheduled to be extradited to France

after all.

THE QUESTION AND ANSWER THING

The following are the familiar "Question and Answer" format sort of a spoof on gardening, our nursery and life in general. We make up the answers and, to be honest, we make up some of the questions as well.

CARE OF ZINGIBERALES

Q. Care of what???

A. It's the order of plants which contains bananas, heliconias, gingers, birds of paradise and a few other tropical and subtropical herbaceous plants.

Q. Oh, I see. Are you going to give me some kind of magic potion that will make these plants thrive?

A. Yes. These plants are not accustomed to growing in the impoverished soils of South Florida. They have evolved to grow in rich volcanic soils, so they don't get all the nutrients they need here. Well-drained soil is usually the best and organic matter and mulch along with adequate moisture (but not soggy soil) is a good starting place. After one of our "cold" winters especially they sometimes need a bit of a pick-me-up cocktail. Here is what we use in addition to a regular (say 2 or 3 times a year) application of a balanced fertilizer with minors:

For each gallon of water, add:

one tablespoon of a complete liquid fertilizer such as Peters 20-20-20 with minor elements (sometimes called micronutrients on the label)

plus one tablespoon of potassium nitrate

and one tablespoon of epsom salts. Epsom salt is actually magnesium sulfate heptahydrate. Our soils are deficient in magnesium and these plants need it.

Beginning in late winter or spring, apply as both a foliar spray and as a soil drench every two weeks until the plants start looking green and healthy. After that, once a month is usually sufficient. All these chemicals are fairly inexpensive. This treatment is actually good for just about any plant, but is especially helpful for the Zingiberales and other herbaceous tropicals like aroids. (When you want blooms, you can substitute one of the "Bloom Buster" formulas of liquid fertilizer. They will have a formula like 10-50-10 or 10-60-10.)

HOW BEST TO WHACK

Q. I use a weed-whacker to clean up the grass and weeds that grow around the trunks of the trees in my yard. I work carefully around the trunk but I often still end up injuring the bark.

A. That isn't a question.

Q. Oh, right. What I want to know is, what is the best technique for whacking weeds around the tree trunks in order to avoid injury to the tree?

A. You take the whacker and turn it upside down and over and you will see a spool containing monofilament line. Twirl that knob and remove the spool. That's all there is to it.

Q. Well, that's....that won't get rid of the weeds, then, will it?

A. No, but it will prevent injury of the trunk.

Q. Any other options?

A. Sure. Keep the weed whacker turned off or don't put gas in it. Those strategies work well, too.*

Seriously, it is almost impossible to avoid injuring tree trunks with this kind of equipment. They are useful for edging and other things, but around trees I recommend you use Roundup or Finale spray; just keep it off the foliage and green bark of things you don't want to kill. Don't apply it when it is windy, for example. Don't apply it if it looks like it's going to rain, either. The chemical needs to be able to sit on the leaf for a few hours in order to work. It takes about a week to see results (you would swear that nothing has happened when you look at the weeds a few days after application), but it kills weeds completely. Fruit growers would be lost without herbicides. And it is pretty benign; it is a growth regulator, not some horrible toxin, and it breaks down fairly quickly after application. You don't need to drench everything, just get some on the leaves of those plants you have chosen to condemn to death. There are a few types of weeds (mostly vines) that are resistant, but not that many. Happy hunting!

* Note: It is possible to whack around trunks if you are very careful and very patient and have a good, variable-speed machine such as a Stihl. Even then, it takes some practice and the thing can just get away from you and wound your tree.

GUARANTEE?

Q. Do you guarantee your plants? Home Depot does.

A. Well, that is a complex question, actually. We do guarantee that our plants are identified properly and that they have no diseases. If that should happen - and it has happened only a few times since we opened on February 1, 1993, then yes, we will replace or refund. But we can't guarantee that you won't kill the plant. There are so many ways to kill plants. We figure, if we have grown the plant successfully for a year or two or three and you take it home and it dies, then the likelihood is great that it was something you did or didn't do - like water it, for example. That said, we have actually never refused to replace a plant except for the guy who special-ordered a Eucalyptus tree, then left it sitting in the pot in the sun without water for a week.

Home Depot does not actually guarantee their plants, by the way; their growers do. If they want to do business with HD they have to be willing to replace anything, regardless of whatever bonehead thing the customer may do to the plant. They deal in huge numbers of plants and calculate when setting the price that a certain number of people will return dead plants for a refund. That way everybody pays a little bit for the incompetence of a few - sort of like the way insurance companies operate.

PESTICIDES

We spray very little at the nursery. Very little. Some nurseries spray insecticides every week and we know one grower who sprays every three days! This is madness, in our opinion. Not only are you filling your environment with toxic materials, but you are killing off beneficial organisms that help you to control them. This is sort of like executing the police force along with the criminals. In addition, you are causing un-natural selection. The small populations of pests that are resistant to a given pesticide will find themselves without competition and will become large populations of pests resistant to the spray. This is not a good thing. So, ironically, the more you spray, the more pests you have around. Personally, I believe that all that spraying isn't very good for the plants, either.

So. What we do is spray only when we observe a population explosion that is really causing some serious damage. The drawback to this rational approach is that we don't get to examine the plants as often as we would like and every once in a while we get caught off guard and some plants take a beating. This is painful, but you would be surprised how fast they can recover after one of these episodes.

LOOKING FOR A PLANT (Real question)

Q. Do you have that tree that grows in front of the Miller building? I like it.

A. Um...the Miller Building?

Q. Yeah, it's kind of tall and has...

A. Green leaves?

Q. Yeah, the leaves are all greeny.

A. Possibly.

TOM'S MATRIX OF PLANT DESCRIPTIONS

It seems that the way a particular plant species is described by an individual is tremendously dependent upon their personal point of view, so I have prepared a little guide to help you understand the lingo.

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